Whenever we ask delegates to list the barriers to effective listening, they often come up with a list of around fifty barriers. These fifty or more barriers have been placed under the following categorised memory aid called, ARE YOU?

Impatient listeners spend a great deal of time interrupting and finishing off other people's sentences. Presumptuous listeners feel that they know better and that the views of others are an interruption of their own. They think only of themselves and are good at faking attention. They are always preoccupied with what to say next when they are listening to others. They always miss the true feelings that are being experienced and the nonverbal signals which can reveal more than the spoken word.

If a subject is not interesting, poor listeners will allow their mind to take frequent side trips, then return their attention to listen to the speaker. While a person is talking, a roaming mind will dwell on the past, present problems or future dreams. This pattern could continue throughout a person's entire life if they fail to master the art of listening.

Interruptions, noise, movement, the telephone, discomfort and an unpleasant atmosphere are some of the external distractions one can experience. Being unhealthy, sickness, hearing difficulties, tiredness and pain are some of the internal distractions that stop us from listening effectively. Unless these distractions are minimised or controlled, listening will always be affected.

The greatest barrier to effective listening is interpretation and distortion. Because words mean different things to different people, it is easy to misunderstand a whole message. Many family wars, conflict in the workplace and school troubles could be avoided if people listen to each other. Poor listeners often fail to ask the right questions to aid their understanding. Their preconceived views about the speaker's beliefs, ideas, opinions, lifestyle, personality and background affect how they listen and distort the message. In many situations our past experiences have affected the way we listen to others. How are you interpreting what is said to you?

Many people become over stimulated because of what they hear, see or experience. They are easily able to close their mind, completely switch off and stop listening. They become angry, frustrated, quick tempered and annoyed very easily. They do not know how to neutralise and control their feelings. In this state of confusion, the speaker and listener will find it very difficult to continue communicating effectively.

Many speakers make it very difficult and painful for their listeners to listen. Often they speak too slow or too fast. Some speakers use difficult words and long sentences. Their accent, style, poor presentation, and mannerisms help to block effective listening and waste time and money. There are those who have speech impediments, or for whom English is a secondary language, they will have to work harder at being understood.

List all the benefits that you would receive if you were to be quick to listen, slow to talk and slow to anger.

Now that we have identified the barriers to listening, let us look at a plan to minimise and eliminate them. If the following is put into action, expect good results, an improved life, time and money saved. Listening of this special kind is the most powerful force for change that I have ever experienced. I have practised the following method for over a decade and it has never failed me.

Show the speaker that there is nothing more important in the world at that moment than you listening to him/her. Show that you are interested by stopping and pay close attention. When my children wish to talk, I immediately stop whatever I am doing and totally concentrate on what is being said. Continuing to watch TV, operate the computer and answer telephone calls, etc., sends an immediate message that I am not interested in what they have to say.

One of the greatest skills in listening is the ability to suspend judgement and to ask the right questions. Ask open-ended questions to gather all relevant facts because open-ended questions allow the speaker to speak. The most difficult task for most listeners is to be patient and keep their mouths closed. As soon as they find an opening to speak, off they go. Do not jump in because the speaker has paused for oxygen. Use silence as an opportunity to allow the speaker to concentrate and gather their thoughts. Make a conscious decision never to answer a matter before you obtain all the necessary facts.

Summarise and paraphrase in your own words key points from the speaker's message in order to confirm your understanding. This will give you an opportunity to check with pinpoint accuracy what you have heard. This will also enable the speaker to feel that s/he has been understood clearly.

Because of roaming minds, it is easy to go unknowingly off target. Always establish the purpose for listening for without a vision, purpose or goal you may be wasting your time. Keep to one subject at a time and do not let the roaming mind control you. Refuse to be manipulated or side-tracked by external or internal forces that are in your control.

The ability to understand the "whole message" is an art that must be learnt if you want to be an effective listener. Total concentration, observation and skilful questioning will enable you to understand the whole message with pinpoint accuracy. Because the mind has the ability to think four times faster than the average speed at which people speak, that ability should be used to evaluate the message. The message will come to you through what is said, feelings conveyed and nonverbal communication.

Smiling, nodding your head and eye contact expresses a sense of warmth. It also creates an atmosphere of openness and encourages the speaker to continue. Watch the body language of the speaker because this will tell you how s/he is thinking or feeling. Our body language is a reflection of what we are thinking, because, "as a person thinks in their heart, so are they".14 Always be conscious of what your mouth, appearance, gestures, posture, voice and eyes are doing.

There is room for improvement in all of us, yes, every human being. You must constantly seek to improve your attitude, skills and knowledge in the field of listening. Read books, watch videos, listen to audio cassettes, attend seminars and listen to the masters in this field. Review your listening skills at all times to find out how effective you are. Those who feel that they know it all are like fools who do not know that "pride goes before destruction and an haughty spirit before a fall".15

If you want people to talk to you, you must "be quick to listen, slow to talk and slow to anger".16 Do not become over-stimulated because this will discourage people from communicating with you. Those who have no control over their anger are like a city that is broken down and without walls. Who will communicate with such people? You must always be in control of your thoughts, words and actions.

Provide an atmosphere of genuineness and not pretence, acceptance rather than judgement, trust rather than dishonesty, encouragement rather than discouragement and sensitivity rather than insensitivity. Therefore aim to be:

As I was chairing a management meeting, a female voluntary worker stormed into the room and began to swear and shout. Her behaviour shocked everyone in the room. At the end of the meeting I sent for her and asked her to justify her actions. Within a matter of minutes we were able to resolve the situation.

I listened with empathy, sought information by asking questions, summarised and paraphrased her response in my own words. I also targeted my conversation, evaluated the whole message, neutralised and controlled my feelings. My interpersonal skills, nonverbal communication and genuineness totally overwhelmed her.

Several weeks later she was a delegate on our SCHOLAR training programme. At the end of running the listening skills session, I decided to do role plays. The purpose of the role plays was to demonstrate how to listen more effectively. I called for a volunteer to do a role play with me but no one came forward. After a little while most delegates suggested that the same girl should volunteer. They felt that she would give me a greater challenge. She refused. I will never forget her response. "I am not doing anything with Errol Williams because he makes me look stupid." "The other day", she continued, "I walked into his office, shouting and behaving badly and he just sat there and listened to me."

Listening is my favourite interpersonal skill, probably because it was the first skill that I ever learnt. The benefits received from listening effectively over the years have been unbelievable. If you consciously practise this skill, you too will benefit from it.

When you use this powerful listening skill my friend: