Family Development
and Parenting Skills

Our nations greatest asset is not the accumulation of wealth, possessions, nuclear weapons or technology. It is "The Family" and its greatest need is inspired leadership. The family is the oldest institution in existence and was intended to be the perfect place for love, joy and peace for all human beings. But there is an enemy at large that has declared war against the family, trying to stop it from achieving its full potential. This enemy has increased indignation towards us, changing times and war, all are against us. If the enemy succeeds with its crafty, cunning and deceptive way, it will have accomplished its master plan, utter destruction, striking at the heart and foundation of life itself. Destroy the family and you destroy the nation. The following tips are practical action tools that I have found useful in keeping my family together, including my extended family.

Everyone in a family needs to be totally committed to the family and its goals. Let me illustrate commitment by telling you a story that was shared with me. A chicken and a pig came together to hold a meeting. Soon after the meeting started, the chicken said to the pig, "Mr Pig, our farmer has been good to us over the years and I feel that it would be a great idea if we made him breakfast this morning." "I think you are absolutely right Chick, our farmer has been good to us, what should we cook?" Mr Pig replied. "I will provide the eggs and you will provide the bacon", replied Chick.

After much consideration, Mr Pig said, "For you its a contribution, but for me its a sacrifice." Some family members are like the chicken, only able to give a part of themselves, while others are like Mr Pig, giving everything of themselves to keep the family together. Be totally committed to your family. Become like Mr Pig.

You can take years to build trust and it can be destroyed within seconds. Being honest will help to establish your family and make it stronger. By telling lies you run the risk of destroying what you have spent years to build. Many families have been destroyed because of lack of trust, deception and dishonesty. Do not go the way of fools. Leave dishonesty behind and you will keep your family together.

The way of a fool seems right to him,
but a wise person listens to advice.

Society encourages us to become independent by separation and keeping things to ourselves, even if it means our lives are destroyed. Many of us put up a false or superficial appearance to hide what we are going through. Be open with your family and don't hide behind a mask, be yourself and let your true colours be seen. By hiding who you are, you only hurt yourself and live a lie.

I see my family as a major business. It is extremely sad to see so many families operate as individuals rather than a team. If more families operated as teams, there would be more love, joy and peace in the home. In a presentation to a group of men, I asked the question, "What is the difference between major businesses in the world and your family?" No one replied, but the look on their faces told me they got the message. Top organisations deal with four things:

Managing Products and Services

Every family deals with people, finance, information and products or services. My wife and I have to manage the children and take care of all the finances. We also manage the mountain of information that comes in and goes out every week. When my wife and I go to work we are selling our products and services. When my two eldest daughters go to work by selling Avon products, they too become sales people. Currently we are working on other products and services that will soon be on the market.

If you are wrong apologise. If you are hurt forgive. This area is probably the most difficult and consequently it is the most destructive area in the family. Divorce is worldwide, so critical that it is affecting every nation on the planet. Under the Laws of England and Wales, grounds for divorce lie in a marriage that has broken down irretrievably. As long as one of these four factors apply, adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion or separation, you can be granted a divorce. When I consider this carefully, the word irretrievable really means, I will not apologise and I cannot forgive you. If you cannot apologise or forgive it is extremely difficult to experience true love, joy and peace in the family.

Unconditional sacrificial love is by far the most important aspect of family life. To love one member of the family more than another can cause conflicts with other family members. Do your very best to keep this type of love in your family:

The secret of family life lies in giving. The saying goes, "Do not ask what your family can do for you, ask what can I do for my family." In the above list, identify your strengths and weaknesses, then build on your strengths and eliminate your weaknesses.

It is an established fact that most families do not communicate effectively. Turn off the TV and radio and spend quality time listening to each other. In my home we eat together every Sunday followed by our family meeting. Throughout these meetings everyone is given the opportunity to be heard. Once a month I conduct an extended family meeting with all my relatives. Finally, we end the year with a grand family dinner celebration with over one hundred of my relatives in attendance. Whenever my wife or children need me, I always stop what I am doing, to give them my undivided attention. After all, communication is an essential key to family success.

Let no unwholesome or corrupt communication come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building your family according to their needs.

Children, wives and husbands ought to be obedient and submissive to one another. Some men believe that it is the duty of the wives and children to submit and be obedient and because of this attitude conflict arises. I obey and submit to my wife and children in areas where they have more expertise than me. My daughter Pepsi is an excellent saxophonist and if I wished to learn to play the saxophone I would have to obey and submit to her. By submitting I have not given up my rights as father, in fact I become more of a father.

My wife and I are President and Vice President of our family business called The Williams Family or TWF. Consider yourself to be a top executive in your family and develop your managerial skills even if this means going to college. After all, we spend billions of pounds on management training in the work place.

Management is the act, manner, or practice of managing, handling, or controlling something or someone. That something or someone is your family. Many of us go off in pursuit of excellence and leave our family in serious problems. The more effective a manager you are in the home, the more effective you will be in the work place. I am continually developing my management skills and teaching them to my children. We listen to tapes, read books, watch videos and attend seminars to improve our family business.

I am also Chairman of our extended family business, named after my grandmother, "Corelda". We have a director for finance, public relations, the newsletter, administration, entertainments, Christmas dinner, business and health and fitness.

The home is a place of continuous change, births, deaths, adolescence, accidents, sickness, fights, arguments and more. Learn to adapt to those events in your family that you have no control over and take control over those events that you can.

When June and I came together in 1979 and Samantha was born, she was the single most important investment in our lives. Today we have five girls and I always meet with them to appraise our investment. On some occasions our appraisal meeting would last up to five hours. If you owned £10 million pounds, wouldn't you invest it and from time to time do an appraisal? Every one of my children are worth more than £10 million, they are in fact priceless. At the end of each year, every company must have their finances audited, in other words, appraised. It is required that stewards give an account of their stewardship.

"Train your children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not turn from it",7 said King Solomon. Some parents are so busy that they leave all the training to the schools, churches, TV and others. A survey conducted showed that fathers spent on average five minutes a week with their children. Since 1985 I have made it my main duty to meet with my children every morning, Monday to Friday from 7:15am to 8:00am.

During this time they are taught music, theology, history, words and meanings, memorisation, how to say no to sexual pressure, personal and interpersonal skills and more. They learn three new words every week, listen to audio cassettes of motivational speakers and revise what they are taught every week. They also read one book every three months followed by a book presentation to their friends and relatives of what they learnt. It is their responsibility to design an invitation on their computer and distribute it to their friends and relatives, inviting them to their presentation.

They read books such as, Think Big by Ben Carson, Awaken The Giant Within by Anthony Robins, You Can If You Think You Can by Norman Vincent Peale, Use Your Head by Tony Buzan, Fit For Life by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond and more. Their book presentations takes place at 7:00am or 7:30pm on a Friday or Saturday. The evening concludes with a beautiful array of food and drinks presented by my wife.

Fig 8.3 "My daughters sing at one of their book presentations."	Fig 8.4 "Samantha gives presentation on Use Your Head by Tony Buzan."

Why are our children the cause of so many problems? Why are our teenagers so confused? I believe the answer is clear. Where there is no training in the home, the family will fail, but in training and development there is victory, safety and stability for the family. Do not leave the training of your family to chance, accept your responsibility and remember, if you fail to train your family, someone else will. Listen to the words of Kuan Tzu, 3rd Century BC:

A family without goals is like a ship without a rudder, wandering aimlessly from place to place in distress. Your family's goals are the steering device that gives you direction and keeps you on course. They will motivate and inspire you to action and awaken you to the talents and aspirations of each member of your family. They will lead you into the land of prosperity, power and success and make your family a tower of strength. Your family's mutual goals will create an air of excitement that is pleasing to your family. They will cause other families who know you to do the same.

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for family members to dwell together in unity and pursue excellence together. Of course there are some family members that will not get on board. If you are consistent with the willing members, the others will be influenced by the actions and results. After all, actions do speak louder than words.

Encouragement is not about shouting and swearing at your family, it is not telling off your child for the 25% s/he got wrong and forgetting the 75% s/he got right. Today the tongue has the power of life and death. You either give life by encouragement or death by discouragement, the choice is yours. "The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A great forest can be set on fire by one tiny spark. And the tongue is a flame of fire." The tongue also is like a small fire, that can destroy the whole family. The tongue of some family members cannot be tamed, it is unruly and full of deadly poison. Encourage members of your family to inspire them to continue on their chosen course. Encouragement will impart "courage", build confidence and make them bold as lions.

Finally, one more thing before you go. The best thing that you can do for your children is to guard their minds from being polluted with garbage.

Discipline is a state or order based upon submission to rules and authority. Every professional organisation, business or Government has operational rules. Even God has rules and if you break them you pay the price. A family that does not have rules, is like a city that is broken down and without walls. Could you imagine what your community would be like if there were no order, police or Government? You can? Some families are like that.

Sometimes in a family you must withstand or endure adverse environmental conditions. Because many of us are not patient and understanding, serious conflicts arises. Be patient and willing to listen to one another. Do not give your answer before you understand the question. Be quick to listen to family members, slow to talk and slow to anger.